The world according to me…

I love him. I love him for making me laugh. I love him for making my blood boil. I love him for getting me. I love him for changing me. I love him for his patience. I love him for his eagerness. I love him for him. I love him for loving me for me. I love him.

Sometimes I sit and wonder if this is what it’s supposed to be? Have I been traveling in a circle because I am right back where I started? Was everything that happened preparing me for this ending? Was everything that happened preparing him for this ending? Are we inexplicably bound together?

He is everything that is wrong for a woman yet he is the perfect man. He has done everything that a man should never do to a woman yet he will give you the world. He is incapable of being selfless yet he gives up a party to tend to his puppy. He forgets everything yet he can recall anything you ask. He oozes with confidence yet he is always eager for approval.

What do you do when he tells you that you are the love of his life? What do you say when he offers you commitment? What’s the next step when he is ready to take the leap of faith you have always hoped for? What do you do when you realize that he places you on a pedestal and at the same time leans on you for strength? What do you do when he offers everything and anything with only the hope of reciprocity?

I don’t know what I am doing. I am questioning every move that I am making because it doesn’t make sense. I push when he pulls. This is everything that I wished for but never dared dream of. I don’t know why I get what I want when I no longer want it. Maybe I do want it but afraid to grab it for fear of it slipping from my grasp. I have it in the palm of my hand but I am afraid to wrap my fingers around it. Three years is a long time but it’s nothing in the scope of a lifetime.  Terrified, yet, no guts no glory. He is ready to jump so I guess I am going to take that leap of faith with him…no safety net.

This entry was posted on Monday, October 8th, 2007 at 8:07 pm and is filed under About him.... You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.