The world according to me…

Hmm…he smells good, I thought as I curl up closer to John. I wonder if I can squeeze a quickie in before I have to get up. I start scratching his chest. Yes, I am going to get some before I jump in the shower, I thought. He pulls me closer and wraps his legs around mine. I lift my head up to peek at the clock at the end of the bed. I rub my eyes to make sure I wasn’t mistaken - 8:56!
"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" I kick off the sheets and leap out of bed.

I run to the bathroom. I grab my toothbrush and start brushing my teeth furiously. One thought kept running through my head - Mike is going to kill me. I run back out with the toothbrush in my mouth to look for my clothes. I see my jeans in the corner of the room. I grab it to pull out my underwear. To my horror, my "ultimate" Victoria Secret tanga was MIA. I toss my jeans to the corner and I grab my bra before running back to the bathroom.
I quickly wash my face and go back to solve the case of the missing tanga. I stare at the haphazardly strewn clothes around the room and I immediately give up. I pounce on John to wake him up.

"I am late and I need my underwear right now! Help me."

He jumps up out of bed in a state of confusion. "Okay…underwear…yes…where?"

I throw on his sweater and I look at him tossing the sheets around. I laugh at the mess we created last night.
"Ah fuck it. I am just not going to wear any underwear." I start to pull my jeans on and his eyes widen in amusement before he breaks into a huge grin.
"I cannot believe you are going to work with no underwear."
I shrug and run to the other end of the run to grab my shoes. I quickly put them on and headed for the door. I stop and run back to bed.
"Goodbye, Sayang!" I put my hands to his face and give him a big wet one. He laughs and shakes his head. "Byeee!"
I slam the door behind me before I realize I left my watch on his coffee table. I whip out my phone and speed dial John. I hear the phone ringing inside the apartment followed by his anxious footsteps to get to it.

"I left my watch on your coffee table!" I bark into the phone.
"OK."

I hear him laughing as he opened the door. I make a mad dash for my jewelry and sprint out the door.
"You’re so funny!" I hear John shouting to me as I wobble down the stairs on my 4½ inch heels. I can almost imagine him shaking his head as he makes his way back to bed.

~FYI, yes this really did happen.~

..I saw what I was to him. It hurts that I mean so little to someone I thought the world of. It was so crass and in fact, downright insulting. I know him and I know he didn’t mean for it to come out that way. It’s just the way things are and one thing about him that has always held true was his honesty to me. He has never given me hope for anything and I have to give him some credit. He could have sugarcoated it for me but he chose not to and I am grateful for that. If he did, I would have walked into a huge mistake and the obsessive side of me would have beaten myself to death over it.
I am finally over him and it. I am letting go. I don’t want to see him anymore. I am not curious about how I feel anymore. It’s over. That’s it. No more, no less. It was good while it lasted. He made me happy by just being himself and I learned much from him. I discovered a side of me that I never thought I had. Because of him, I learned my great capacity to love and what I really want in a relationship – reciprocity. He gave me many good memories and I will always think of him fondly but I deserve so much more and I have so much more. I have more than I deserve with my gargoyle. I am lucky that this happened now because I barely felt the blow with John in my life.
My Greek God loves me. I look into his beautiful blue eyes and I see more than my reflection. I see how he sees me - the better Yvonne than who she really is. I look into his eyes and see that beyond the intensity there’s love. It is genuine. I will never forget how he held me and looked at me that night. I knew he loved me before he said the words. He tells me everyday that I can have whatever I want, within reason. I love him. I fell in love with him when he made a great promise to me less than a week after we went out but I kept those feelings at bay. I decided (as if I had a choice in such matters) that I wasn’t going to love him if he didn’t love me back. Reciprocity is good….nah, it’s downright amazing.
He is okay with my substance abuse – shoes. He accepts my thing for shopping bags. He laughs at my competitiveness. He doesn’t take it personally when I freak out. He lets me ride out my neurosis. Best of all, he knows how to shut me right up. No ifs and buts. My motor mouth just comes to a halt. He accepts me for who I am and he is patient with all my flaws. I am not a perfect person but he sure makes me feel damn close to it. He is not perfect but he is perfect for me. Nyeelah is right - John is not going to pick me up when I fall; he’s going to be there before I fall.
Everything about him is beautiful but the most beautiful thing about him is how he fails to see how truly amazing he is. He is totally unaware of the effect he has on me and that is brilliant. Have you seen me recently? Have you seen how happy I am? Can you see that I am actually learning how to relax? Do you know how much I have matured in the last few months? Have you seen the confidence I have gained? Can you see the skip in my walk and the twinkle in my eye? Do you know that your friend is finally in a mature relationship where she loves him and he loves her?

These two weeks has been the happiest I have been in ages. Many say I haven’t been happy for a long time and this joy is long overdue. I guess they are right. It’s not like I was sitting around moping at the harsh realities of life, I simply wasn’t deliriously happy as I am these two weeks.
It’s so real and so simple. There are no games, no holding back. The honesty is so raw and refreshing. I don’t have to be anything but myself. I call when I want to and don’t second guess my actions. He calls when he says he does. We have seen each other everyday since our first date! Sometimes it’s the little things that makes the big picture so beautiful.
These two weeks has been simply magical for me. Late night suppers, long phone conversations and goofy private jokes are just a few of the little things that we shared. The level of intimacy we developed in the space of two weeks is staggering. I am absolutely taken back by him. I am so in awe of him. I am crazy about him. How can two weeks with John Phillips be the most fulfilling relationship I have ever had?
I always believed that reciprocity is not a criteria when it comes to love and I still do. But knowing that he likes me just as much feels amazing. It’s so good to have someone mirror the feelings I have. Even better he is not afraid to show it. He made me a promise last night and that simple promise has been more than any man has ever promised me. I understand the responsibility the promise bears, making me even more enthralled by this man.
He is unlike any man I have ever met. So dark and complicated yet so kind and honest. I am so at ease with this man. There is so much good in him. He is so brilliant and I can’t get him out of my mind! I am more than content! I am delirious, over the moon happy!