The world according to me…

If you were stuck on an island:

Who would you want with you?

HIM…for me to screw and kiss and adore and love and serve.

Kambo because he is HIS best friend….and a chick for him to screw.

Patrick to make Kambo, HIM and me laugh…and a chick for him to screw.

Pink to chat with me all day…and Kenny to keep her company.

Kim to chat with me all day…and Alex to keep her company.

Ela to cook for us…and a guy for her to screw.

Kenneth and Kevin to keep me sane….and two chicks to keep them sane.

List some supplies:

Alcohol
Condoms
Books
Trivia Pursuit (hey, it’s fun!)
Music
…oh ya, food.

First one to be cast off the island:

Hands down, PATRICK!!!

Most whiny of your fellow islanders:

Definitely me!

Most likely to discover fire first:

Definitely Ela!

Most patient:

Kevin

Most like to wander off and get lost:

Patrick - no doubt!

Most likely person to figure out how to get off the island:

Hands down HIM!!!…HE is a genius!

Family
My mum has been there for me every step of the way. She listens and listens. I don’t know what I would do without her. I am still daddy’s girl. He is never too busy for me. I get so much attention from him!!! My two brothers are my pillars of strength. They do so much for me financially, emotionally and psychologically. I am a better person because I have them in my life. Baby brother is harsh on me at times but he loves me so much! He is my unlimited ATM and he is my common sense. Baby, baby brother is my surrogate boyfriend. I call him about every little thing in my life…and he listens and makes everything OK. Who needs a man when you have brothers like this?
Friends
Pink always picks up the phone and listens to me cry, whine and occasionally cheer. She never judges me and always sticks by me. She will always be my numero uno friend! I know I am only half the friend she is to me. Teresa and I are far apart but we try to keep in touch. It’s amazing that we still talk like we were never apart even though it’s been over a year since I last saw her. Kim cares about me a lot and I know she wishes me well. We haven’t been talking much but I know I am in her thoughts. Ela and I have our ups and downs. She is too intense but I know she means well. She sees all the mistakes I make and still thinks I am great. I know she wants nothing but good things for me even though she knows what I want is so wrong for me. Tina is a good friend but we have a distance now. She keeps me in check and I know she truly cares about me. Renee and I were really tight for awhile but we have drifted apart. She was there listening and advising me at the lowest point in my relationship with HIM. I know I need to make more effort to stay in touch with Renee now that we don’t work together anymore. Mitch is the man of life. He is so weak and strong at the same time. I am like the annoying sister he never wanted. Nyeelah is so smart. She listens and she truly, TRULY understands everything I am going through. I think she is the only person in the world that believes me when I say that HE is the one for me and we will end up together. I aspire to have her strength, confidence and smarts.
Work
I start next week aka next year. I cannot believe my luck!!! I am going to be doing what I am born to do…plan a party, dress up and rock on! I love my supervisor, Karen. She is worldly and fun. Sally Anne, my mama takes good care of me and I know she’s got my back! I know I can call her anytime and she will help me. Jim is so generous with his time and money. He has to be the greatest boss ever created! I thank him for taking a chance with me.
Men
E came and left without so much as a trace. B is barely even in my thoughts. I can honestly say I am so over H. I occasionally think of K. Well, K is the longest crush I have ever had…nine years and counting! K is the most perfect Asian man on the face of the earth. C was top priority for a long time but I let it go…
HIM
My heart breaks every time I see, hear or smell something that reminds of HIM. I have never taken so much crap and mind-f*cking from anyone. I don’t know if I will ever get over HIM. HE is still lingering because every time I give up, HE comes back with a little message or email or phone call. A little nonchalant gesture from HIM gets me hyped for weeks. HE has said, "I love you" and "I care about you" many times and never meant it once. I have never said anything more than "I adore you." I cherish what little time we had and the shod of a relationship we mustered.

I am very grateful for the people in my life. So many people love me. So many people care about me. Less my brothers, the people who truly love me are in Malaysia. I want to go home sometimes because I know that’s where I will be loved and I am safe there…but I have something here that I cannot let go.

Okay, in my defense…I was really, REALLY drunk. Last night, I went out with my friends for some drinks. Seems innocent enough, right? After one too many martinis and throw in a couple of cocktails, Yvonne was pissed drunk. It was a Wednesday night and they had a 2 for 1 drink special!!! Y’all know I can’t resist a good deal!
So I am drunk and when I am drunk I do stupid sh*t…I drunk dialed HIM. I have no idea what I said to him. I know for a fact he didn’t pick up and I left him a message but I am not too sure what the message said! I thought it was a dream until this morning….I saw my phone log and the last person I called was HIM!!!
I remember bits and pieces…I am quite sure I said, "I know I am not suppose to call you because you are an assh*le…but I am drunk enough to have the guts to call you and sober enough to know what I am saying is true…blah…blah..blah…" I remember cursing him out. I also vaguely remember saying something about Christmas presents. Then I blacked out…drawing a blank…nada…nilch…
There you go peeps, so much drama in my life…Then again, I can honestly say all the drama in my life starts from being in a state of intoxication…Hmm…but some of the best times in my life were in an intoxicated state…Why?…because I am chicken sh*t and alcohol gives me guts to do the things I withhold from doing on a daily basis…F*ck I just remembered Ela also called HIM from Mitch’s phone…sh*t how many times did we call him??!!!

I’m home alone again
And you’re out..Hangin’ with your friends
So you say…
Somehow I know it’s not quite that way
It’s getting pretty late
And you haven’t… checked on me all day
When I called…you didn’t answer
Now I’m feeling like you’re ignoring me
I wish…that you were home…
Holding me…tight in your arms…

And I wish…I could go back…
To the day before we met
And skip my regret

I wish I wasn’t in love with you
So you couldn’t hurt me
it just ain’t fair the way you treat me
No you don’t deserve…me
Wasting my time thinking ’bout you when you ain’t never goin’ change
I wish I wasn’t in love with you so I wouldn’t feel this way

I wish I wasn’t in love with you
So you couldn’t hurt me
it just ain’t fair the way you treat me
No you don’t deserve…me
Wasting my time thinking ’bout you when you ain’t never goin’ change
I wish I wasn’t in love with you so I wouldn’t feel this way

I wish I wasn’t in love with you
So you couldn’t hurt me
it just ain’t fair the way you treat me
No you don’t deserve…me
Wasting my time thinking ’bout you when you ain’t never goin’ change
I wish I wasn’t in love with you so I wouldn’t feel this way

Hear you knockin’ at the door again…
I’m wonderin’ should I let you in…
I open up the door and see the flowers for me
So beautiful in your hand
Please stop begging me to take you back
I’ve always been a sucker for romance
And before you know it I concede
You’re all over me
Oh no here I go again
I wish I wasn’t in love with you
So you couldn’t hurt me

Sigh…this song by Heather Headley, story of my life, eh? I should come with a label:

"On call 24 hours a day. Delivery in 30 minutes or less. Round the clock customer service via phone or internet. No expiration. Most important of all, no contracts with a full refund and exchange policy."

Today…
He typed "Hi"…I replied "Go f*ck yourself"
He typed "What did you buy me for Christmas?…I replied "Go f*ck yourself"
He typed "I am going to find my phone and call you now"…I replied "Look outside, pigs are flying. Go f*ck yourself"
He typed "Haha"…I replied "Go f*ck yourself. Hustler and KY Jelly is on its way"
He typed "Where’s your Christmas spirit?".. I replied "It died when you stopped calling"
He typed "I miss you"…I replied "OK…."

So much for getting over him, ignoring him…blah…blah…I know he is lying!!! I know he hasn’t thought of me until today. What can I do? I can’t ignore him!!! He is freaking KRYPTONITE!!! Oh, he loves me; he just doesn’t know it, yet. He is on crack if he thinks that he will have another girl that will love him the way I do and NOT ask for anything in return. Sh*t!!! Every time he leaves, he comes back and I am still waiting at the same spot where he left me. AAAaaaRRRrrrGGGgggHHHhhh!

So a Polish Christmas for Yvonne, eh? Spend the whole weekend with my friend, Ela. I know, I know…how was the food, right? It was AMAZING. Ela says it’s traditional to have fish for Christmas…I was very skeptical but it turned out great. I saw it and I cringed…it was smothered with carrots…eww, right?…but it was good stuff I tell you. It was Greek fish and for you M’sians, it taste exactly like "popiah". Pierogies…WOW. It was not was I expected. Potato dumplings?…heaven right there, baby! She made some funky meat and it was so good too. Ela says it so easy to make. It’s fool proof and I can make it too…guess she has no idea what a bad cook I am! The pork was so good that it looked like beef. I know my baby brothers would die for it! So juicy and tender…yummy. The grains was good too. I have been craving them since last Christmas but it was sweeter than what I expected. Nevertheless, grains…a healthy dessert right there! The beet soup was weird…guess it is safe to say I don’t like beets!..but the mushroom thingies that went in the soup were good. Oh, don’t get me started on the stuffed cabbage…so good I am hungry just thinking about it!
Ela was a wonderful hostess…actually, I invited myself over again tomorrow. LOL I laughed my ass when she put toothpaste on my toothbrush..yes, that’s how good a hostess she is. I didn’t lift a finger while I was there and she will make anything you want to eat…a girl could get fat staying with her. So that’s Ela’s secret to keeping a man…hmm get them through the door and stuff them silly so they will never leave! *wink* Gotta try that sometime…need to trap a giant!
I got good presents too. Ela got me the best gift in the world…the gift of SHOPPING!…better than sex I tell you!…unless you are the right color and height…but anyhoo. Ela also got the perfect earrings. She REMEMBERED!!! I lost my favorite pair of earrings and she found me a replacement pair. That’s friendship right there! Jose got me the softest turtleneck (in baby blue) ever made and a nice scarf. I was so touched! I cannot believe Jose can shop…with good taste. Guys are usually not that attentive. Despite the good time and good food I had at her place…I am going to keep teasing her about being a bad cook and calling her cooking diarrhea central…because it is just more fun than raving! :0) Oh Ela, "Kocham ciebie!"

You are really NOT all that!…not even close…not even in the ballpark, honey. You think that you are some super “playa” and girls just throw themselves at you. Well, sorry you did not penetrate this armour.
You can barely spell simple words. Weary means tired…but you were going for WARY. Yes, I am soooo “INSENSATIVE”…but it’s spelled “insensItive”. Sh*t my English is better than yours and I am from some “third world country”. You are not eloquent or articulate. You don’t keep up with the news or read much.
You have not even graduated college yet…and the worse thing is you lied about it! You are not “thinking ahead”!!! YOU ARE LYING about being in graduate school. You also lied about your job. Ad sales and finance…BIG DIFFERENCE!!! People don’t “judge” you but they will when they find out you lied. If you are not proud of who you really are…people think less of you because YOU think less of you.
From what little I know about you, I can tell that I am way out of your league. I am sorry but I just can’t see why girls would be impressed with you. It’s so sad that you think you got game. You have A LOT to learn. Maybe you are super fly up in Harlem but baby here in Mid-town…we do things a little differently. It’s a front you put up to impress but you really need to polish up. Too many gaps in the little web of intrigue you are trying to spin…

We dated for exactly a week. He wanted some a*s. Sorry, honey don’t hold your breath. Wow…that boy has some serious issues. We ended on good terms and it was a mutual agreement. We still chatted all day after the "break up". We are like buddies now. Hey no harm, no foul but I am pissed that he really thought I would sleep with him…ewwww! This legs are locked and only one person has the key to them. He didn’t ask me to f*ck per se but he basically said "I need it and I know you are not going to give it to me." My answer? "We should be friends then." Sh*t, I am not going to screw him because he threatened to end it. F*ck, I will make it easy for him by bowing out.

Also, he slept with someone else last night. Alright, I know I told him to see other people because I don’t want to be stuck with him but don’t f*ck the first pair of legs that spread and then call me first thing the next morning. Gosh, I feel icky. I am lucky I got out unhurt. Well, it’s not like I had much feelings for him. Just enjoyed the attention and the idea of him.

OK…I seriously cannot date. I am a "horny-jerk-let’s-be-friends-with-benefits" magnet. It’s not like I am out there "looking for love". They come to me! Guys, back up!!! This girl is not putting out. #$#^%&%#$@!$$%&^*&*%^$#%@#&*#@%@^%# Yes, I am THAT pissed! Anyhoo, NEXT!!!

E is really nice and sweet. He does not ask for more than what I am willing to give or commit to. He really likes me more than I like him. I am really not feeling him. Is it rational to compare what I feel for HIM (buildup of more than a year) with how I feel about E?

Last night, he was more of a gentleman than H, O and Q put together. I was really impressed with the way he treated me last night. He kept the respectable distance that I asked of him. I, however, like the attention and the IDEA of him more than him.

E has his faults. Yesterday, he confessed a lie he told me on our first date and I am not over it. It is a super big lie and I am super pissed. Withholding information and voluntarily lying are totally different things. He is too sensitive to my teasing and so paranoid about T. He does not like T much and she is a big part of my life.

I keep comparing E with HIM and HE comes off so much better. I don’t know if I am being completely objective when it comes to HIM. I guess the rose-colored glasses are still on. HE is so much smarter than E. I could listen to him talk about Kenyan politics all day and HE smells so, so good. OK and I can admit that looks matter and HE is much, much hotter than E. HE is one cocky bastard but HE has the goods to back it up. HE is a hard act to follow…no one will EVER measure up to him. HE may be a selfish bastard all about instant self gratification but HE is perfect to me. You know, if HE gives me half the attention E gives me, I will be on top of the world and won’t ask for more…

So apparently he and I are dating. I thought we were just friends hanging out but I thought wrong. We saw each other 3 times in the space of 4 days. We IM each other all day at work and he calls me all the time. So I guess we are "dating".

He is really, really nice. He calls when he says he does. He calls whenever he thinks of me. He remembers the little things I tell him. He is a great listener. He makes me laugh and I have fun when we go out. I like the chemistry but he is too intense. He wants to talk about the future and the possibilities too much. I hate that! Sweetie, I met you on Tuesday…today is Saturday…I am not making plans for the future! I just got out of one fiasco…not looking to commit…in fact, so totally NOT over HIM. F**k I miss HIM. I think about HIM all the time and I still talk about HIM to my friends. I think this guy likes me more than I do him. T went out with us and she says he adores me. She says "He is so in awe of Yvonne. He treats her like a princess blah blah" Yeah, ok….

Physically, no way he is as perfect as HIM. HE is more intelligent. I like HIS sense of humor more. HE is way more charming. The way HE walks, OMG…HE just oozes confidence and sexuality. I hear HIS voice and I feel like fainting. When I close my eyes and think of HIS hands reaching out to me, that’s an orgasm right there and then. I still shudder thinking about HIM.

Well, moving right along…So I guess I am dating this guy. Not too much of an opinion either way. I guess he will do for now. Not stressing about it too much. I just want someone to hang out with and give me a little attention…and I have that. Ooooh but if HE calls…and I know HE will…like Pizza Hut, I will deliver myself to HIM in less than 30 minutes…GUARANTEED!